Speaking Up

I’ve spoken recently with several women who’ve posed a form of these questions:“Why do I have such a hard time speaking up?”“Why do I so often leave meetings and interactions frustrated that I didn’t say what I really wanted to say?”This topic could take several blogposts (or possibly a book of Tolstoyian scope).  And I am desperately anxious to hear what you think.  I’d love to start a dialog here, because as women gain more and more traction in the workplace, we all need to learn the best ways to communicate with the other gender.(Now I have also worked with hundreds of men who are similarly challenged about speaking up. Clearly this issue transcends gender.  And yet, it seems to plague women more than men ….)As a representative of the male gender, who am I to speak about the challenges women face in this regard?  I can only observe what I see in the interactions between men and women in the workplace.  And listen to what women have to say.  And notice the clear and insidious cultural factors that suppress women’s abilities to speak up:

• Hierarchies that consciously or subconsciously keep women “in their place” are still rampant.
• Many men (mostly older men gradually transitioning out of the workforce) are still threatened by strong women.

In the interests of starting a conversation, here are some questions to consider:

• Are we still sending the cultural message that women shouldn’t be too strong or too outspoken? Do too many of us still see strength and confidence as “masculine” qualities? From my 54-year-old perch, things have changed dramatically in my lifetime – and we still have far to go.
• Are many women still operating from self-limiting beliefs? Might there be some passive aggression in the attitude that “there’s no point in speaking up because no one will listen anyway”?
• How much of the challenge comes from communication tactics? Are women trying to match testosterone levels with their male co-workers? Aren’t there practices, such as inquiry, that allow us to gain power and influence without excessive conflict? Is it just an issue of learning new paths to power rather than trying to address huge cultural or psychological roadblocks? If we can’t change the world, we can at least change the way we act in the world.
• How much of this – really—is a women’s issue, as opposed to a leadership issue? I work with some predominantly male organizations in which no one speaks up about anything.  I want to be sensitive to gender dynamics, and yet part of me wants to just talk about speaking out in general as if it weren’t primarily a challenge for women.

The health of any organization is dependent on the open exchange of thoughts, opinions, concerns, questions, and aspirations. The strongest organizations are full of courageous dialog. How do we help women—and men—learn to speak their minds in a way that feels good and right and gratifying? ...

          Your thoughts, please ...